Standing at the door

Stop stop stop.
I started writing this article with many non-senses that I had to remove as I mastered that lately … Since when I have to tip toe when about my own life?
Let’s do that my way. Let’s do that straight.
My way in life was direct. I say what I see, if anything hurts I leave and I don’t look back if anything important leaves the table. And this always helped me to move, no attachment to a past and a present to build and future very focused.
But now I am mad.

I am mad as I feel hijacked in my brain, there are things I want to switch off and not finding the right button.
I am mad as the person that I believe sees me most keeps me in a “safe” distance and with an attention that shifted with me not flinching. Then, that day when stories were told it hit me, I was respecting and caring when I was seen as someone not expected to be. I thought I was an escape, but it was only My escape. I know people are different, we are built different, I respect that. I care by choice, for what a person is, for values, for things I admire, for strength, and here I remember that day, in that ally when dark,… It is not a reason to be just standing there?

But what got me stuck? It feels like a shut door but with cracks in it; You can see something, but you are not supposed to be there… and me I burn inside to take over the world while my feet are just standing there… stuck and not expected to enter, stuck when you can fly away.
And here I should not forget that many times we focus on the wrong things. 

And then you have work, this Corp world is it worth it? This is everyone’s question and what social media throws at you (to be clear, social media is us paying those that don’t want a 9-5). Overall, I had an insane 4 months lately between jobs and trainings, all the changes with AI, the many people “retiring” and it unbalanced me enough to miss a lot of my personal.
I was having a goal, I reached one of the steps and it’s a messy step.
you have to navigate where to put your attention, this long learning curve and sometimes it was hard to rise above the negative.

On my workouts, my health, my hobbies, are for me vital, I miss the sit and read too lately! & Sorry if don’t chase body counts or numbers of “in” places I can be in. Don’t get me wrong I like a hell lot of fun and giggles and dances but just with people I like to be with. Instant gratification is nice but not to keep as lifestyle.

Last, on people, I did narrow my circle a lot. And last few days I talked to 5 people that were seeing my light dimming and connected. But there are those 2 that I lost touch with and unexpectedly showed again and reassured me that indeed we don’t lose the people we are not supposed to lose.

Zora, you cannot project all your light on a shut door as some light might get through the cracks. And since when you feel you must justify what you do mainly that you are not doing wrong things or wrong by anyone.
But you must leave the seat if they start clearing the table.
 
I am glad I am mad. Better be mad than on the house of ghaffloune while life is happening.

Zora

My Head on My Shoulder

 

    I missed this place.

    At first, I spent some time going through the old articles. Had good laughs. I found myself in those posts and it warmed my heart to see how I had no filters.
To say things openly in general or just say things can be priceless. As the years pass, less people around are having time or patience to hear the others speak or share. At the same time, we tend to share less.
    
    Last 2 years, I had to shut me and live in chaos and adjusting to anything life was throwing. Was finding refuge in quiet I surround myself with. And learning patience and resilience as thrown in a space of things I can't control.
And here I am this cold December blogging and back to old habits, because yes, I am done now and happy to be back to the simple and basic, I believe it suits me best.
 
    Since 2020, there was a shift in the world, and I feel that you need to fight to keep some naivety to enjoy life better.
Is it what adult life is about? Being invited to more funerals than marriages, everyone being busy surviving and putting themselves first, and when someone wants to do right theyvrealize that their hands are tied … and this worry to show or share to protect feelings that are more and more too sensitive … Or is it how social media made us become?

    And again, what is social about them anyway? In platforms like Instagram and Facebook, you register to whom you want to connect with, people you know or met, or topics that speaks to you. Then they tell you we show you more of what you “might” like, and they send you what is fact will make you react and far from your interest. It’s like reading newspapers but you can’t skim to the sports section, instead you must scroll through and everything is made to capture you attention at a glance and you can’t unsee it.

   For me social media can open possibilities, and it is also opening chaos and conflict and division. No wonder anxiety is a thing now. And how do we fight anxiety? Well we disconnect from social media as we need to seek nature, connect with family and friends, do community work, breathe, pray... When you shut social media, you are not shutting your world because your real sphere is in Real Life.
  

    This last months I checked all the boxes; I did everything I was supposed to. Fixing Health, that family changes, that dream/goal job, visiting new places and I am so grateful as I have many things I can be happy/proud of and to celebrate. The only thing I had missing, was not able to free my mind or doing it with a light heart and presence as I use to. Because I hardly now feel that I can rest my head on anyone when I need to and it sucks.
  
    So if I take with me something to 2024 it’s Real Life. The health, the family the friends and money, the work that pays for my things and fun.
    Ha! So same what I was doing only with more clarity and presence on what I can touch, see, and talk to. Making time again for what I care for here in the real world. Ready.
     

“Your life does not get better by chance, it gets better by change.” - Jim Rohn

 

Zora

Learning in the flow of work

We are currently halfway through the fiscal year and approaching the summer holidays. I'm deeply focused on facts that feed my thoughts for the most of year and want to make sure they're firmly rooted in my mind before taking that break to breathe. Let me share with you some of the lessons that have aided my path those first months of 2021.

Tie your life to a goal, not to people or things

This saying is from one of the geniuses of last century Albert Einstein “If you want to live a happy life tie it to a goal, not to people or things”. This may seem indifferent, but it is not rather, it is one of the best advices for a serene mind. It doesn't mean you should kick people out of your life, but it does mean you should remember to live your life in pursuit of your own objectives and goals. Individuals have wonderful relationships with family and friends, and we know that these ties contribute significantly to our growth and pleasure. However, at a certain point people may leave, change direction, and they must put themselves first. So the happiness related to things and people is temporary. But if we tie the happiness with our goals, it would be a contented path. And once we reach the goal, our happiness would know no bounds.

I've heard many individuals say they're still working in that same job because their lead is a friend or gives them a lot of free time; They might enjoy the calm and quiet at work, but they're holding on to their abilities for that relief and possibly the best years to evolve and give their best potential. We all struggle at some level with living up to the expectations of others. We should not put our lives in brackets because of others, or because we wish to meet others' prospects. Expectations are not a precise gauge of what is right for you. Anyone can control only themselves, and everyone else is focused on their own objectives. Just remember that the people who matters are there to help and they never leave.

 

By settling to less, you don’t necessarily do more

We repeatedly hear individuals saying that if they had more time, they could do more works. Does less office time mean more personal time, and does a less hectic schedule mean more time connecting with others or caring for our health? Consider yourself in a more comfortable state almost every day; here are three veracities I have come to know in this type of atmosphere.

·        Having extra time does not imply that you will read more, exercise more, or sleep more. You will do things in a more relaxed mode, and you might look for a fun activity to fill your spare time. If you have plenty spare time invest it on your growth.

·        When you have edgy days, add to them what is important for you and your development and surround yourself with the right people; When you have less free time you will value it, will make the most of it, and prioritize what truly makes you happy.

·        The more you do the more you get twisted, the more you meet folks who work equally with the same vitality as you.

So, if you ask me, I got energized by complete packed days that keeps me going while a several 4 hours a day exhaust me.

 

What is being busy anyway…

There are two types of busy people: those who are busy and those who say they are busy but can have an unplanned two-hour conversation for casual chit-chat. We can tell whether someone is busy or not. It's not a right or wrong debate, but here's what I've learned:

·        The more dynamic the job is, the more efficient, effective governance, and collaboration are required for success. We need to value the hard work required in most jobs, the energy required for various tasks and value how people learn to juggle between all decisions, goals, and priorities.

·        The fake-busy can be time stealers, they do less and oppose more. What they bring is theoretical but not enough experience yet to do the work and build competencies required. I am thinking of having good ideas on paper but no concrete plan for the work.

The 70-20-10 rule is the best guidance, and it does depend on us we use it. If 70% is experiences and assignments, 20% developmental relationships, and 10% from coursework and training then raise your hand and do learn, meet, and work with others. Be busy.

Bottom line.

Every day we choose who we are and what to focus on. We learn, make mistakes, grow, achieve great things, and rely on the right/wrong people and it’s all alright. The only thing to keep in mind is to work toward your goals and prioritize what makes you happy.

 

Zora 

2020 - Reading Challenge

Happy that 2020 is over!

I was having few plans for this year before knowing that most of our time will be spent at home. This year we mainly faced our life choices and ourselves. We for sure are not the same in so many ways now that we enter 2021.

When 2020 started, I’ve decided to take 12 books reading challenge. 1 book a month. This frequency should be manageable with all extra work activities and life priorities I enjoy doing.

Now that the year is over, I did read 9 over the 12. Some were 3 days read and others a 3 months.

There is infinity of books; I tried few from my office’s book club (3), some I was willing to read (3) other I agreed to give them a try (3).

I am sharing with you those readings in 2 categories “Liked” and “Not my Type” and the takeaway from this year’s reading.

 

Didn’t Enjoy reading

“Your second life starts when you realize you only have one” - Raphaelle Giordano

I got bored. Way too positive but mainly too easy. Felt like Sunday movies and their unrealistic happy ending. I might not have read it at the right time, reading is also about timing right?! All I say is yes you can turn your life upside down to a successful and happy life in a year with wiliness, good mentor and a good idea but in the second half of the book you just feel they need to cut the crap a bit.  

 “Anatomy of a Scandal ”  - Sarah Vaughan

This is a good story with nice side stories but how come no one realized prior publishing it that it was missing all thrilling par of court trial. Do lawyers go to court to defend a case only by knowing deep inside the person is guilty or do they have facts from investigations!?

I like suspense and rebound in this type of books, but in this one didn't had any.

 “Miracle Morning” - ELROD, Hal

If you know the principle no need to read all the pages of this book it will bring nothing new for you, but you do join an incredible community on social media.

“ Lâcher prise ”  - Rosette Poletti

Confirmation that I am not at all fan or neither enjoying nor understanding self-help books.

This book can be a 20min podcast and ... who the hell will let go a divorce by burning their ex's letter in a ceremony with family and friends? In real life you go get dinner and talk it out or not even, you are hurt anyway and you move on.

 

Loved Them!

“ Mon cahier Running ”  - Florence Heimburger

For knowing runners, been running and made mistakes that results in injuries I worked on, I knew already many information’s on running before reading this book. It was a friendly read with good advices and it has complete information in one place. I did learn new things and it is nicely illustrated. Enjoyable reading.

“ Soufi, mon amour ”  – Elif Shafak

I read this one in one long weekend, different fresh and realistic, first book I(ve read referring to Sufism.

Beautiful story, no exaggeration and not sure how but it did touch my heart.

“Girl, Wash Your Face” - Rachel Hollis

First book I've read this year, I kind of needed it back then. It had some crappy examples sometimes (hair in toes ?!) but it did remain down to earth.

It’s about Lies we tell ourselves. It’s just a good reminder of self-obstacles we don’t see ourselves putting around us.

 “Happiness Advantage: The Seven Principles That Fuel Success and Performance” - Shawn Achor

Good read, stories and examples that does stick in your head and based on real researches. You understand better why happiness is not the finality but the trigger to many great things. I did like corporate examples and personal insights. The 7 principals are linked and I did took time to enjoy this book. That was my longest reading this year as did want to enjoy something positive in this chaotic 2020.

“The Power of Habit” - Charles Duhigg

My favorite one! I gave it 5 stars. This book introduce you to how our brain function, how our habits are built and how we trick ourselves.; Not theoretical way but scientifically. You learn about the habit loop, how to change it or influence things and others. How it works for communities and in company cultures. Real life stories on how history or companies changed by changing and influencing Habits.

When you close this book at the end, you know you are different than when you started it.

 

Those are my reading and how I see them today. What this year taught me about reading is:

1.     Whatever the book you will learn something.

2.     You might not remember everything, but you did store what you’ve needed (just try re-read a book and you will see)

3.     Read what you love and the type of books you like, it’s about you and no one else.

4.     You can drop or fast forward on books you are not enjoying. It’s a time you invest.

5.     Try new books you will not think about, it might show you what you do not like, and you will discover new horizons.

 I am retaking this self-challenge this 2021!

Anyone willing to you can use the GoodReads app and site, they follow progress and you have  good community in there.

Happy New Year to all :)

 

“A book is a garden, an orchard, a storehouse, a party, a company by the way, a counselor, a multitude of counselors.” – Charles Baudelaire

 

Why I cry. What I fear.

Everything I can be afraid of came close today.

I am not scared of decisions, bad choices, failure, poverty ...or death.

I fear losing the will to live.

Today is a sad day. Today someone close to me that was full of light and energy is gone. He is not gone in a way I grew up thinking he will. He is gone too early because he gave up and didn’t want to take another chance.

The pain is real and my heart aches badly. Why give up?

I know things can be harder sometimes but please, to anyone out there thinking they are trapped… Life is not one way, one road or one model! Anyone should remember that they can:

·                  Change their mind from a first choice

·                  Leave if not happy

·                  Try a different road if they need to

If they are not having the courage, seek for strong people, mentors or those that love you unconditionally to get strength from and dare do it.

I had to get this out of my chest.

Today, is a sad day.

Tomorrow, I will not forget. There will be pain still but will have to Live and Live Happy. We all should.

Love u Ammou.

 

 People will never forget how you made them feel. - Maya Angelou

Zora

Break Your Walls. Change.

There are days, you know it. You feel it. There will be a transition. Change.
Days you feel it in your guts, something broke and you will see things differently.
This moment you know, as you don't even have to explain it to yourself, you feel it all inside you.

I am having these types of days today.

I thought I am happy. I don't know for you but If I feel good and I feel happy it means that my world, my bubble, are alright.

But here I am. Tired, been working my ass off all week 12h/day, had to cancel my evening plans, too tired to workout and I can feel ONE thing inside: I am doing it wrong.

The challenge with our own selves is that... we don't have much clarity on our own and when we just stay busy. We remain content until something hits us.
Nothing did hit me though but had many signs last days that are now as loud as a big shake.
That sad feeling, you know. That sad feeling sitting in the dark and my own small voice inside telling me "Get out of here".

I can say it's 2020! Yeah still 2020, right?! That's a long year. For once we can't say "I didn't feel the year pass by”!
Well, I can’t say 2020 as what aches inside are things we know we can act on.

What Am I supposed to do?

Trainings and books will be like: Do an assessment, know you, live proactively, accept you, get organized…!

Get organized. I got so tangled on this “get organized” that I am sure now I am not a put it all in boxes type of person. This killed my passions. I missed long nights to write my heart out or to try to learn how to draw lines together, do sweet mistakes or read a novel that touches my soul…

However, what I am sure of is that I need to stop willing to do it all at the same time. I might have to put back things I shouldn’t pick to start with or drop what is not making me happy.

Life should be simple; I will pack my stuff and move back to my life. The one where I have fun.
We can’t be all in boxes. We need adventure, Nonsense decisions and mainly action.
But of course, I will take a planner with me to 2021. You design what’s in it anyway. You set your priorities.

 

 “All great changes are preceded by chaos.” – Deepak Chopra

 

Zora

We need to talk this 2020

 

2020. What a punch on the guts.

If you think you have control on your life and know yourself enough, then this year just made shifts we never saw coming.
I will not talk conspiracy or crazy things; this is no movie. Life is enough fiction itself.

This week, I have surprised myself looking for Webinars in my professional mailbox and googling online events around the world. Is that what they call the new normal everywhere in internet article and news?
That sounds cool right?
Before my main challenge would had been finding events in my own city. 
Now?! It's mainly ensuring that the time zone will play ok.

However. Let's be honest. I need an organized world around me and this pandemic, Covid, Trump type of world is too wild!

We had a 3-month lockdown in my country, meaning 3 months home when you never been home only if to sleep or to catch on late work. I was not even at my place this whole period and i na different city. And adapting to all of it was hard.

I am lucky to work for one of the greatest companies in the world, and work been crazy this year.
How to know what boundaries you need to set when you and everyone lost all landmarks.

With all changes and uncertainties, I discovered what is called Anxiety.

 If you wake up with your heart racing for no reason, here is a hint for you, you are most likely Anxious.
Many of the people I know had suffered the same, as yes, again, this 2020 is hard.

You might be lucky none of your closed had to experience covid-19 in the middle of the chaos, and lucky for not losing your job like so many and be in a place where you have a garden or space and can breath.. But still you have your challenges of your own and develop Anxiety.

The only think I can advise and that helped make it just a Phase is that you have to seek help.
Mainly someone that will remind you to look at the big picture and help you reshape your world one step at the time.

None of us was ready for this 2020 and if you want a happy life you have nothing to prove only do what makes you happy.

Whatever it is you just need to:

o   Go for a walk and promenades
o   Call a friend and talk and meet with new people
o   Give time and offer help… Yes, you need to see outside yourself
o   Read books and novels or whatever that your spirit is curious about
o   Draw, garden, play, workout.
o   Learn new things
o   And for a racing heart. Breath. Breath a 4.7.8 or just feel yourself breathe.

We are in it all together and no one has it all figured out.
Take care of yourselves and loved ones.
3 months to go 2020!

“ The purpose of our lives is to be happy.” — Dalai Lama.

Zora

An Angel Passed By

Ok people. How are you kicking 2018? How was 2017?

I didn't pass by here since summer and I missed it.

I mainly post on Instagram those days. I become like those lazy bloggers, vloggers and instagrammers; I count on the images and emoticons to share. I like it seriously. It’s easy and most of it you interact with people directly.

Here? Here is to keep. With open heart. Sharing mistakes, learnings and deep emotions mostly.

So.. Once again... Bouda this is because of you :)

I enjoyed 2017 - seriously - it was terribly tough. I was in those so many "what the fuck is this shit" kind of moments. 

The toughness can be pictured trough the previous post.

Let me go back to the main moments/Emotions;

First half year;

I have learnt to run. Yeah yeah yeah I know, almost cliché. But I don’t care, people: I run!

My first 10K was in 1h25. I was extremely slow (i am not a bullet now neither but I improve).

During the year I’ve got muscles, joins, legs hurting. You discover that you thought you were healthy, strong and taking care of yourself... and you end up p learning that it’s a lifestyle. bla bla bla. I heard that so many times too but I had to experience it to understand. It does not sit on 1 sugar less on your morning coffee or choosing one day the croissant instead of Pain chocolate…Now, I prefer sleeping to going out! (No it has nothing to do with age!)

When we were in spring well I was facing some aggressiveness i didn't understood.

What i learnt from that is that not because you faced the shit once that you will have a peace time to rest...

Life is full of greatness but also shit... and man, you should manage the mess it can become.

I was too tired so … I jumped as I could to Holidays!

Holidays, I saw something else.

I was on the streets laughing and smiling… I was happy.

I was surrounded by good, clean, clear people that don’t know me and that says “Hiii” without checking me, that mind their own businesses.

I surfed in Cali, I did rollercoasters over and over, I walked under the sun happily for hours, I met the little old man, I got lost not sure how to get back and I ate things I could have seen only on social media.

10 days where I breathed and could gather beauty of the life with me when back.

This moment between the mess and the peace I also met an angel.

Life since there is just beautiful;

Tough and beautiful

Pushy and worth it

Disappointing and meaningful

Tiring sometimes and manageable

I still don’t get it and enjoying every moment of it.

So how was the second half of 2017?

It was like I would like my life to be.

An angel passed by.

I learnt that nothing is impossible.

So people. Get the shit done. Live the life you want. Don’t let angels leave. Take care of your heart. Take care of the people you love (as much as you can or know). Save you.

Have a 2018 as greater as you want.

Zora

It's Ok if all is not Ok

Have you ever been bullied?

Everyone has; But people react to it differently.

I don't know about you but I have been bullied when being adult.

I might have been targeted younger but I don't think I cared. You end up getting along with most people.
I know that this is a strong word - but let's not call "pushing": "teasing"; "pressure": "challenge" or "accusing": "oups".

But as an adult, being able to notice the bad intention, and the ruthlessness can be damaging.

I like saying "I don't care if you put your nose in my business" or just don't care about you working hard to put me on my knees.

However, the bullies that not leave you alone are the one that can push you and affect you daily. Whether in an intimate relationship or at work. When it's almost every day.

However, in some cases you can find yourself on non-ending pressures and sometimes you have to deal with people that are insecure or bored or sad in their life that will manage to make you miserable.

Bullies are good, they manage to have sponsors and people agreeing with them that comfort them with their actions.

You can ask yourself, from where are they able to have the energy on so much hate. But seriously, is it that important?!

From another side, I am surrounded by strong people, and I thank them, they are able to not be emotionally involved and gives this instinct step back. They are a Rock. You know not like in the movie "Legend d autumn" the rock you crush on but the rock that can shelter you from the wind of bullies.

Yep you are reading it right, Bullies are like wind, they end up disappearing.

A friend told me, why you are given them a chance to reach you, and the fact is, I am tired.

And it's ok to be tired and not be able to fight back for a while.
I stopped.

What we should not forget is when they go, you need to be remain stable as the rock you were.

I don't have a plan now for others, what worst will happen? Be kicked from somewhere or having a small group of people bunching air, be fired, have some people using time and energy talking on what they think I said or did .

But I do have a plan for me.

One of the most courageous woman lead I had told me once "At a moment you see that you can't take it, don’t change your life. Take vacations"

So yes the first plan for myself is first to rest. Take the chance to center my thoughts and be surrounded by the people of my heart and meet new balanced people. Holidays. I didn't had real ones since... I don't know ... ages.

Then when back, Have s*** done!

Zora