Why I cry. What I fear.

Everything I can be afraid of came close today.

I am not scared of decisions, bad choices, failure, poverty ...or death.

I fear losing the will to live.

Today is a sad day. Today someone close to me that was full of light and energy is gone. He is not gone in a way I grew up thinking he will. He is gone too early because he gave up and didn’t want to take another chance.

The pain is real and my heart aches badly. Why give up?

I know things can be harder sometimes but please, to anyone out there thinking they are trapped… Life is not one way, one road or one model! Anyone should remember that they can:

·                  Change their mind from a first choice

·                  Leave if not happy

·                  Try a different road if they need to

If they are not having the courage, seek for strong people, mentors or those that love you unconditionally to get strength from and dare do it.

I had to get this out of my chest.

Today, is a sad day.

Tomorrow, I will not forget. There will be pain still but will have to Live and Live Happy. We all should.

Love u Ammou.

 

 People will never forget how you made them feel. - Maya Angelou

Zora

Break Your Walls. Change.

There are days, you know it. You feel it. There will be a transition. Change.
Days you feel it in your guts, something broke and you will see things differently.
This moment you know, as you don't even have to explain it to yourself, you feel it all inside you.

I am having these types of days today.

I thought I am happy. I don't know for you but If I feel good and I feel happy it means that my world, my bubble, are alright.

But here I am. Tired, been working my ass off all week 12h/day, had to cancel my evening plans, too tired to workout and I can feel ONE thing inside: I am doing it wrong.

The challenge with our own selves is that... we don't have much clarity on our own and when we just stay busy. We remain content until something hits us.
Nothing did hit me though but had many signs last days that are now as loud as a big shake.
That sad feeling, you know. That sad feeling sitting in the dark and my own small voice inside telling me "Get out of here".

I can say it's 2020! Yeah still 2020, right?! That's a long year. For once we can't say "I didn't feel the year pass by”!
Well, I can’t say 2020 as what aches inside are things we know we can act on.

What Am I supposed to do?

Trainings and books will be like: Do an assessment, know you, live proactively, accept you, get organized…!

Get organized. I got so tangled on this “get organized” that I am sure now I am not a put it all in boxes type of person. This killed my passions. I missed long nights to write my heart out or to try to learn how to draw lines together, do sweet mistakes or read a novel that touches my soul…

However, what I am sure of is that I need to stop willing to do it all at the same time. I might have to put back things I shouldn’t pick to start with or drop what is not making me happy.

Life should be simple; I will pack my stuff and move back to my life. The one where I have fun.
We can’t be all in boxes. We need adventure, Nonsense decisions and mainly action.
But of course, I will take a planner with me to 2021. You design what’s in it anyway. You set your priorities.

 

 “All great changes are preceded by chaos.” – Deepak Chopra

 

Zora

We need to talk this 2020

 

2020. What a punch on the guts.

If you think you have control on your life and know yourself enough, then this year just made shifts we never saw coming.
I will not talk conspiracy or crazy things; this is no movie. Life is enough fiction itself.

This week, I have surprised myself looking for Webinars in my professional mailbox and googling online events around the world. Is that what they call the new normal everywhere in internet article and news?
That sounds cool right?
Before my main challenge would had been finding events in my own city. 
Now?! It's mainly ensuring that the time zone will play ok.

However. Let's be honest. I need an organized world around me and this pandemic, Covid, Trump type of world is too wild!

We had a 3-month lockdown in my country, meaning 3 months home when you never been home only if to sleep or to catch on late work. I was not even at my place this whole period and i na different city. And adapting to all of it was hard.

I am lucky to work for one of the greatest companies in the world, and work been crazy this year.
How to know what boundaries you need to set when you and everyone lost all landmarks.

With all changes and uncertainties, I discovered what is called Anxiety.

 If you wake up with your heart racing for no reason, here is a hint for you, you are most likely Anxious.
Many of the people I know had suffered the same, as yes, again, this 2020 is hard.

You might be lucky none of your closed had to experience covid-19 in the middle of the chaos, and lucky for not losing your job like so many and be in a place where you have a garden or space and can breath.. But still you have your challenges of your own and develop Anxiety.

The only think I can advise and that helped make it just a Phase is that you have to seek help.
Mainly someone that will remind you to look at the big picture and help you reshape your world one step at the time.

None of us was ready for this 2020 and if you want a happy life you have nothing to prove only do what makes you happy.

Whatever it is you just need to:

o   Go for a walk and promenades
o   Call a friend and talk and meet with new people
o   Give time and offer help… Yes, you need to see outside yourself
o   Read books and novels or whatever that your spirit is curious about
o   Draw, garden, play, workout.
o   Learn new things
o   And for a racing heart. Breath. Breath a 4.7.8 or just feel yourself breathe.

We are in it all together and no one has it all figured out.
Take care of yourselves and loved ones.
3 months to go 2020!

“ The purpose of our lives is to be happy.” — Dalai Lama.

Zora