Stop
stop stop.
I started writing this article with many non-senses that I had to remove as I
mastered that lately … Since when I have to tip toe when about my own life?
Let’s do that my way. Let’s do that straight.
My way in life was direct. I say what I see, if anything hurts I leave and I
don’t look back if anything important leaves the table. And this always helped
me to move, no attachment to a past and a present to build and future very
focused.
But now I am mad.
I
am mad as I feel hijacked in my brain, there are things I want to switch off
and not finding the right button.
I am mad as the person that I believe sees me most keeps me in a “safe”
distance and with an attention that shifted with me not flinching. Then, that
day when stories were told it hit me, I was respecting and caring when I was
seen as someone not expected to be. I thought I was an escape, but it was only
My escape. I know people are different, we are built different, I respect that.
I care by choice, for what a person is, for values, for things I admire, for
strength, and here I remember that day, in that ally when dark,… It is not a
reason to be just standing there?
But
what got me stuck? It feels like a shut door but with cracks in it; You can see
something, but you are not supposed to be there… and me I burn inside to take
over the world while my feet are just standing there… stuck and not expected to
enter, stuck when you can fly away.
And here I should not forget that many times we focus on the wrong
things.
And
then you have work, this Corp world is it worth it? This is everyone’s question
and what social media throws at you (to be clear, social media is us paying
those that don’t want a 9-5). Overall, I had an insane 4 months lately between
jobs and trainings, all the changes with AI, the many people “retiring” and it
unbalanced me enough to miss a lot of my personal.
I was having a goal, I reached one of the steps and it’s a messy step.
you have to navigate where to put your attention, this long learning curve and
sometimes it was hard to rise above the negative.
On
my workouts, my health, my hobbies, are for me vital, I miss the sit and read
too lately! & Sorry if don’t chase body counts or numbers of “in” places I
can be in. Don’t get me wrong I like a hell lot of fun and giggles and dances
but just with people I like to be with. Instant gratification is nice but not
to keep as lifestyle.
Last,
on people, I did narrow my circle a lot. And last few days I talked to 5 people
that were seeing my light dimming and connected. But there are those 2 that I
lost touch with and unexpectedly showed again and reassured me that indeed we
don’t lose the people we are not supposed to lose.
Zora,
you cannot project all your light on a shut door as some light might get
through the cracks. And since when you feel you must justify what you do mainly
that you are not doing wrong things or wrong by anyone.
But you must leave the seat if they start clearing the table.
I am glad I am mad. Better be mad than on the house of ghaffloune while life is
happening.
Zora
